1) She certainly knows how to push a boy’s buttons! Madonna’s "Confessions" tour was interrupted in the Netherlands when a purple papal people eater... no, I mean a priest, admitted making false bomb threats in order to stop one of her concerts. The man of the cloth was on the rag because of a segment of her performance where she appears, and sings upon the cross. Get a grip, Padre. You’re threatened because she’s a woman portraying herself as a deity. You want to go mano-a-mano on this one, Signori? I challenge you to a HotIndieNews debate. Right here, live and on the air!

2) Who’s in the "Profiles in Courage" spotlight this week? It’s THE JERSEY GIRLS, a.k.a. Kristen Breitweiser, Patty Casazza, Lori Van Auken and Mindy Kleinberg. The four women became 9/11 widows and then, contrary to Bush administration protests, helped to force the creation of the 9/11 Commission. Why, because they were determined that someone be held accountable for the attack that killed their husbands and over 3,000 other people, so that nobody ever has to walk in their shoes again. These are the ladies who neo-con voice-with-legs, Ann Coulter had the ignorance and heartless gall to label as the media whores of 9/11. Now five years later, our current administration is as prepared for another 9/11 as they were on September 10th. Go Bush. Think about it!

3) Here’s something you typically don’t hear in the fashion industry, "You’re too thin for the job." But that’s what they told’em in Spain. Organizers said they wanted models to project an image of heath and beauty and that the old look of anorexic heroin chic would not stumble down their runway. Using a medical formula for accessing body mass, the average index for a healthy woman would range from a 18.5 to a 24.9. So they decided that anyone below 18 had a weight problem - they were too skinny! How did the world at large take this news? So far, no one’s complained about the Barbie ban.

4) File this one under "One Classy Lady!" So the soulless cad you’ve been engaged to all this time is revealed to be a soulless cad right before the wedding. What do you do? When Kyle Paxman canceled her wedding after discovering her future husband was being less than faithful she dumped him but decided to turn her planned wedding reception into a charity event. The 125 invited guests will enjoy champagne and a 4-course dinner provided by the ex-bride and her family. The bride not-to be has says that in return she’s asked guests to donate to one of her two chosen charities. If only she had found a way make her ex pay the bill it would’ve been, what’s the old saying? "Squeezing his lemons to make lemonade" or something like that. What a gal!

5) She’ll save you if she can but kill you if you she must. While this story doesn’t quite fit in a "Kill Bill III" category it’s safe to say "Ed is dead, baby, Ed is dead". A nurse in Portland, OR came home to find her house being robbed. The 5’9", 180lb ex-convict and thief, Ed Hadley was armed with a hammer but was overpowered by the 5’7" 260lb nurse. Susan Kuhnhausen strangled the intruder with her bare hands. Prosecutors investigating the case do not expect it to go to a Grand Jury.

6) This reminds me of the day my Mama socked to the Harper Valley PTA. The police chief of Snyder, OK resigned along with the mayor and a city councilman after the cop’s wife posted nude photos of herself on the web. There’s no law against what the 6’3" 300lb wife did but the majority of the residents in Snyder were upset their religious and moral beliefs were not being defended. The resigning chief said "I've never read anywhere in the Good Book that the Lord wanted us to persecute those that did not hold the same morals or values." Parting words from the outgoing mayor? "I don't want to work in a community like this." I believe the quitting councilman expressed it the best, "The city of Snyder does not endorse pornography; however, we do endorse an individual's rights under the First Amendment." My take? Sounds like the locals were on a bitch-hunt!

7) Listen up, morons! Scientist now believe they’re on the enlightened path to knowing why some people are geniuses. It seems it all comes down to amount of gray matter in various parts of the brain and they predict they can use this content to measure intelligence. Size and weight of various cerebral structures also appear to be apparent indicators. What really is a surprise is that the higher a person’s IQ the lower the rate of actual brain activity. Hey, being a genius myself I could’ve told you that the real reason is people like us just know things gooder than yous peoples. D’oh!

8) You’ll want to run cover when you hear this next story. Stereotypically, women have been unfairly labeled as being mathematically challenged. It turns out now it’s the U.S. military that has its numbers wrong. Apparently the military has been playing the funny numbers game, or what one regime leader refers to as "fuzzy math" regarding Iraqi civilian deaths. Pointing to recent lower death totals the Bush boys used this as an indicator that the country has not succumbed to civil war. Only problem is they didn’t include civilians killed by bombs, mortars, rockets or mass attacks like suicide bombings. When you factor in those murders, well, it paints a less cheery, picture. Hey, don’t blame the soldiers, I’m sure they were just following orders!